can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
