shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
