Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
