After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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