i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
