I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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