Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
