i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
