He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
