Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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