I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
