your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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