'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize