Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize