I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
