I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i think i just lost a toe
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
