We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
