the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I stole a fireplace last night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize