everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize