I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If I die, sorry about rent.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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