I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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