im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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