hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
