So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
