I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
