I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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