The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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