I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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