I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
