Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
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