So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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