So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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