I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
