Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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