You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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