Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
