It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
