Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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