Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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