We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize