THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
