Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Boobs are out for the taking
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
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