Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
