I'm sorry my penis didn't work
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
is it fun? or sober?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
