"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize