he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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