Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
