I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
