haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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