My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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