I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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