I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
