I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
