Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
