I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
