just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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