Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
