On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
