She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
