Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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