three words: i give head
three words: not that well
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
