I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Randomize
