I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
what day is it and did you see me today?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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