i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize