Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
After tacos, we're chasing women.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
