Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
