Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize