I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
