wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
tell me about the fingering
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