how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
