Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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