so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
