i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
