my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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